


Those Who Wait

by Noteventhat (Facialteeth)



Series: Rarepairs [7]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Also Background Pandemic and War, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Magnus Bane, Catarina Is Brave as Shit, Emotional Ragnor Fell, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of a Character Being Shot, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Oblivious Catarina Loss, Ragnor's POV, Sad Ragnor Fell, Semi Canon Compliant Except for the Soulmate Thing and The Them Getting Together, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, non graphic injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26359237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Facialteeth/pseuds/Noteventhat
Summary: Ragnor had always told everyone that he didn’t have a soulmate but that wasn’t quite the truth. He had a soulmate. His soulmate just had a different soulmate, one that unfortunately for Ragnor, was not him.Ragnor didn't tell Catarina for centuries. He just never quite found the right time.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Ragnor Fell & Catarina Loss, Ragnor Fell/Catarina Loss
Series: Rarepairs [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915978
Comments: 14
Kudos: 21
Collections: Hunter's Moon Fic Recs





	Those Who Wait

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mimsyborogove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimsyborogove/gifts).



> This is for mimsyborogove for being the sole reason I ship Catarina and Ragnor in the first place. If you like this, go read her fics. They're all wonderful.

Ragnor had always told everyone that he didn’t have a soulmate but that wasn’t quite the truth. He had a soulmate. His soulmate just had a different soulmate, one that unfortunately for Ragnor, was not him. Now, this wasn’t a common occurrence when it came to soulmates. Your soulmate was your soulmate for a reason. They were yours and you were theirs but if there was anyone in the world who could be cursed with such bad luck to have a soulmate and not really have them, it made sense that it would be Ragnor.

Ragnor met his soulmate one cold morning, when Magnus Bane had shown up on his doorstep soaked with a young blue skinned warlock at his side. She had almost been burnt to death in a village a few days before and she looked it. Apparently, her and Magnus hadn’t stopped moving until they reached Ragnor’s doorstep.

Ragnor was flattered they tried so hard to get to him instead of anyone else but he also cursed Magnus for being so stupid. They could have at least stopped for the night somewhere and tried to warm up. That’s how Ragnor ended up taking care of two sick warlocks.

They curled up in front of his fireplace, sniffling and coughing while Ragnor bustling back and forth, pushing hot tea into their hands every few hours and grumbling about how he hadn’t signed up for this. Really though, he had. The day he’d taken Magnus in so many years before, he’d signed up for this.

He knew Magnus would be trouble but he’d done it regardless. Ragnor looked back on his past self and he half regretted not sending Magnus off on his way the second he could, the first time they’d met. He’d have saved himself a lot of trouble if he had but then, he wouldn’t have met her.

It was that night the girl had spoken her name for the first time. Magnus had introduced her with a familiarity as if they’d known each other for years. “This is Cat,” he’d said, before he promptly stumbled into Ragnor’s doorway shivering.

Ragnor hadn’t asked for her real name or introduced himself. He’d been busy getting them both clean clothes and making the fire a little warmer than it had been before. It was only later, as Ragnor sat curled around his own cup of tea, peering down at a book he’d been trying to finish for ages, that he learned who this warlock really was.

Magnus and her were talking about soulmates and what that word meant when you were immortal. Magnus was going on about how dumb the name ‘Alexander’ sounded. Catarina insisted that it must be a more common name in the future but Magnus didn’t seem too swayed by that concept. “Hopefully, he’s prettier than his name makes him out to be,” Magnus had muttered.

Catarina shared the name of her soulmate in return. She and Magnus had sat talking about it for a little while but Ragnor hadn’t been paying too close attention to the conversation. He didn’t care who this random warlocks’ soulmate was. It was only when Magnus asked if she’d keep her name, now that she knew she was a warlock that Ragnor’s interest was peaked.

“I think so.” She murmured back, “Catarina isn’t so horrible.”

Ragnor hadn’t really read anymore of his book after that but he kept his eyes locked on the page regardless. Over the course of the next hour, she and Magnus talked about last names, with Magnus insisting she had to go with warlock tradition and pick a short name that was easy to curse. He offered a bunch of options she could take but Ragnor knew she would not take any of them. Who would want to be named ‘stick’ anyway?

“Loss,” She said at last.

Ragnor had stood quickly and announced that he was going to bed. He told them not to burn his house down before he rushed past them, leaving his book and his cup abandoned as he locked himself in his room.

Ragnor had never told Magnus about his soulmate and he was thankful for it. It was never something he liked dwelling on. He’d meet them whenever he did but he hadn’t really expected this. As Ragnor changed, he realized his shoulder was itchy. Maybe, it was in his head. Maybe, it was his body reacting to what he’d just learned.

After a moment of hesitation, Ragnor pulled his shirt off again and looked in the mirror, as if something might have changed. Nothing had. ‘Catarina Loss,’ was still written in neat elegant letters, right on his shoulder blade, like it had been since the day he’d been born.

What was her soulmate's name? Ragnor couldn’t even remember. He hadn’t been paying attention but he knew one thing for sure. It hadn’t been ‘Ragnor Fell’.

Ragnor never told her. He didn’t see much of a point but he loved her more every single time he saw her. She was his soulmate. Of course, he loved her. He tried desperately not to show it and he must have done a good job because she never questioned anything and Magnus didn’t either. Neither of them ever asked why Ragnor was so soft on her or why he was so accepting of her presence when he complained about everyone else. Neither of them asked why he was so willing to help her, every time she needed it or wanted it. Neither of them seemed to notice that Ragnor’s heart would beat quicker in his chest every single time she was mentioned and neither of them seemed to notice the awestruck look that came over Ragnor’s face every time she touched him.

Things stayed like that for nearly a century, long enough that Ragnor had started to consider that maybe, he should tell her. She had a soulmate but she hadn’t met him yet. Maybe, he was dead. Maybe, she’d never meet him at all and even if she didn’t feel the same way about Ragnor, maybe he should just tell her and get it off his chest.

Of course, he secretly hoped she would return his feelings. He’d been in love with her for so long. He couldn’t help himself but hope.

It was almost as if the universe had listened to what Ragnor was considering and decided to send him a glaring sign that it was a horrible idea because no sooner than he was considering it, Ragnor heard that she’d met her soulmate. He was a mortal, something that Ragnor took relief in and then instantly felt horrible about.

Catarina deserved to be happy. Losing your soulmate was one of the worst things someone could go through and he didn’t wish that on her but still, he found relief in the thought that her soulmate would be gone one day and maybe then, something would change. He felt horrible for it and when Catarina invited him to the wedding, he almost didn’t go out of guilt.

Guilt and the fact that Ragnor, despite how okay with it he tried to make himself, did not want to see her marrying the love of her life. He didn’t expect Catarina to show up on his doorstep a month before the wedding, demanding to know why he’d ignored her invitations but that’s exactly what happened.

“You’re coming, right?” She asked after berating him for not answering her in the first place.

“Of course, I’ve just been busy,” He said back as he let her in and after that, he had to go.

They had both sat in Ragnor’s living room that night with Catarina curled on Ragnor’s shoulder as they talked about everything that had changed since they’d seen each other last. Catarina told Ragnor all about her soulmate and how happy she was with him.

Ragnor had been happy for her. He really had been and the guilt for being happy her soulmate was mortal had never been more intense. Ragnor had lost people before. Everyone who was immortal had to go through it at some point but for it to be your soulmate was a completely different thing. Catarina did not deserve that kind of pain but Ragnor couldn’t take it away for her, no matter how much he might want to.

Ragnor didn’t meet him until their wedding day. He was nice. He knew she was a warlock and he’d taken it well apparently. He made her smile, like Ragnor never had. So, Ragnor knew he must be good for her.

Ragnor got drunk at the reception with Magnus. He thought it would make him feel better and it did for a while but as he watched Catarina walk away with her husband's hand clasped in hers, he felt his eyes prick with tears. He wouldn’t have cried if he’d been sober. He had more control over himself than that but when Magnus saw, he just thought Ragnor was happy for her and Ragnor didn’t correct him.

Ragnor didn’t see Catarina for a while after that. He kept his distance and she was too caught up in married life to notice- or care. It was nearly thirty years before Catarina showed up on his doorstep again and when she did, it was with tear filled eyes and a chest fill of sobs that she couldn’t quite stifle.

Ragnor wrote Magnus instantly and he showed up an hour later. The three of them hadn’t been together in a long time but that night, they curled in front of the fire with Catarina between them, taking turns getting tea and being the one to let Catarina cry on. Catarina had known her soulmate would die someday but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with. He’d been fifty and he’d passed unexpectedly in his sleep after a battle wound it had seemed like he would live through.

Catarina was convinced that she could have saved him, after her tears had dried and her breath had started to come naturally again. She stayed with Ragnor even after Magnus had left, not wanting to go back to her and her husband's home just yet. She poured through mundane medical books, books on the magic of healing, sometimes studies that had just been released. She was determined to do good and heal people. She told Ragnor she wanted to spend the rest of her life doing that and Ragnor thought that seemed like a fine plan.

Some people had their hearts broken and they crumpled in on themselves like a dying flower. If healing people was enough for her to have that much passion about anything, Ragnor knew it was a good thing. He also couldn’t quite deny that it was nice to have her around, even given the circumstances. She’d come and stayed with him countless times before but they’d never _lived_ together like they did then.

They’d never spent every morning waking up together, sharing tea in the early morning hours, reading as the sun rose and listening to the birds outside start to wake up for the first time. It was perfect. It was all Ragnor could ever want. He knew he couldn’t have her the way he wanted but this would be enough, if she wanted to stay. Being around her would be enough.

He was going to tell her. He waited for a while, not wanting to spring it on her so soon after her husband died and have her feel like he was trying to take advantage of her. He was going to tell her though. She deserved to know and he’d feel better if she just knew, even if he knew nothing would come of it but then, the war had come.

It came quick and unexpectedly, at least to Ragnor who was so caught up in his life with Catarina that he had no clue what was going on outside. The day after they heard, Catarina had packed her things and told Ragnor at the door that she had to go help. Ragnor knew there was no way he could stop her and to tell her then, just as she was about to leave, that she was his soulmate seemed unfair.

She needed to go help and even if it might be the last chance Ragnor would have to tell her, he nodded and he let her go but not before he kissed her on the cheek and told her to be careful and to write often.

She did write. She wrote nearly every week, sometimes sending pages and sometimes just sending a quick note sprinkled with blood, saying that she was okay. For months, she wrote that she was okay but there finally came a week that she did not write and Ragnor knew instantly that something was wrong. He gave it a day, in case the mail had been late but when he still got nothing, he woke Magnus up at the break of dawn and together, they went to go find her.

It wasn’t easy. They weren’t technically allowed on the warfront to go look for her but no one would answer any questions they had and eventually, they found themselves in a small medical tent, looking down at Catarina’s pale form in a cot. She’d been shot twice and when they got there, they were told she probably wouldn’t make it through the night.

Neither Magnus nor Ragnor were as good at healing magic as Catarina was but they knew enough. Magnus glamoured them and kept everyone else away as Ragnor knelt and pulled infection from her chest, murmuring to her that she was okay and that he was there. If Magnus heard of any of the sappy things he said, he didn’t comment. Ragnor was thankful for it.

When they both thought she was stable enough, Ragnor pulled her into his arms and they left together, leaving the sound of bullets and the stench of death behind. Like so many times before, they retreated to Ragnor’s cabin. It was another four days before Catarina woke up but when she did, Ragnor breathed a sigh of relief. The moment he saw her awake, he felt like he was sucking in a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.

From bed, she told Magnus and him the story of what had happened but Ragnor hadn’t needed to know the details to be able to guess. She’d gotten shot trying to save someone. She’d gotten shot because she put herself in danger, she’d gone where she shouldn’t have, just to save one more person.

Ragnor announced that she wasn’t allowed to leave for at least the next decade. Magnus hung around for a while after that too, even after Catarina had gotten up and been walking around fine. It scared them both. They were immortal and they were so used to watching everything around them die that sometimes, Ragnor thought they forgot that they themselves were not infallible.

A bullet could kill them as easily as it could kill a mundane. They all knew that logically but it was another thing to come so close to it. Eventually, Magnus left, leaving him and Catarina alone again. They fell into the same routine so easily. Waking together, shoulders pressed together on the couch, Catarina falling asleep with her head against his lap as he read to her.

Ragnor was going to tell her then too. He really was but there was always a reason not to and the words never came out of his mouth. Catarina did stay for nearly a decade, though Ragnor had been kidding. He couldn’t make her stay any more easily than one could contain a storm. The moment she heard of someone else needing help, she’d be gone and that’s exactly what happened.

A pandemic came next. They weren’t even sure if it could affect warlocks but Catarina didn’t care. She had to go help and this time, Ragnor went with her. He wasn’t very good at healing magic but he sat at home and did research for her, trying to be helpful in some other way. He listened to her talk about all the death she’d seen throughout the day and when it became clear warlocks were not affected, Ragnor breathed a sigh of relief.

Once again, Catarina had thrown herself into danger and managed to escape it. Ragnor tried not to think about how easily he followed her right into it. It was one of those nights, in the middle of so much destruction, that Catarina had woken Ragnor up with tears in her eyes, showing him her soulmate's name.

Ragnor has seen it many times before. It was pressed on the inside of her wrist and where it had once been so dark, now it was fading. It was a matter of days before it disappeared completely. That happened sometimes, even to mortals. No one knew why. Sometimes, when your soulmate died the mark stayed as dark as it always had been and sometimes, it would just fade away, like it had never been there in the first place.

Ragnor held her on the couch as she cried and the next morning, her expression had hardened again and she’d gone off to help people, like she always did.

Ragnor didn’t know why her mark had disappeared then, so many years after her soulmate was gone but Ragnor hadn’t expected anything else to come of it. He hadn’t expected Catarina to come home weeks later, demanding to know if Ragnor had ever heard of someone having two soulmates.

He had. Some people were born with two. Sometimes odder situations happened. No one really understood how soulmates worked but when Ragnor asked why, he really hadn’t expected her to lift her sleeve and show him a new mark that had formed, one that read ‘Ragnor Fell’, right on her shoulder.

When Ragnor saw it for the first time, he felt like he couldn’t breath. Everything in his mind halted to a stop. He didn’t know what to do and Catarina herself seemed more bewildered than happy, so that didn’t really help.

They both stared at each other for a few long moments before Ragnor turned wordlessly and pulled his shirt off. He couldn’t see it on his back but he turned and he knew that Catarina could see her name there, where it had always been.

Ragnor turned back around and for a few moments, they just stared at each other. “How long has that been there?” Catarina asked finally, her voice so calm that it almost made Ragnor want to turn away again.

Ragnor didn’t answer. He just stared but that was answer enough.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked.

Ragnor wanted to tell her he’d thought about it, that he’d almost told her countless times. He wanted to tell her that he’d always loved her and that he didn’t want to make her feel bad for not loving him back and that he’d just wanted her to be happy but what actually came out of his mouth was something more akin to a simpler truth, “I didn’t know how.”

They stared at each other for another long moment and then Catarina turned and grabbed her bag off the table, where she’d put it as she stormed inside. She didn’t say anything as she left but Ragnor didn’t expect her to. She was never a dramatic person. She was never one to want the last word. If she was upset and she didn’t want to be around you, she was just gone.

Ragnor didn’t try to stop her and he didn’t see her again until she showed up nearly a week later.

“It’s okay, if you don’t feel the same,” Ragnor murmured around his cup, when the silence between them became too much for him to handle.

Catarina’s eyes darted over to him, narrowing. Ragnor’s own eyes flickered away and he didn’t look up again. “Is that why you think I left?” She demanded, her words nothing but harsh, just as angry as when she’d left.

Ragnor swallowed. He dared a glance at her and regretted it the moment he saw the same anger in her face but he couldn’t look away. “Why else would you have?” He asked finally, knowing even as he spoke it that those were not the right words to say here. Still, why else would she have left, unless she was upset that Ragnor’s name had formed on her skin?

“You’re an idiot,” Catarina snapped but there was something a little softer in her words this time. Something like _pity_. “I left because I’m upset you didn’t tell me. You’ve known I was your soulmate for centuries and you didn’t even tell me. I deserved to know, Ragnor.”

Ragnor’s eyes darted down to his cup again. She was right. He should have told her and this conversation would probably go much smoother if that’s what he said but that’s not what came out of his mouth when he finally opened it. “What good would it have done?” He asked quietly. “What would you have done besides feel bad for me? You had your own soulmate. You were happy. You were married.” Ragnor looked up to her again, trying not to let himself get emotional as he spoke.

Clearly, he’d been more bothered by this than he’d originally thought because it was hard not to let the tears flood into his eyes just then. He looked away again, rubbing his fingers across smooth glass in his hands, trying not to look as upset as he truly was. “All you would have done is feel bad for me. I didn’t want you to treat me differently.”

She didn’t speak for a moment. Ragnor could tell she wanted to insist that she wouldn’t have treated him differently but they both knew she would have. “Okay,” She said, sounding as if she wasn’t happy with his excuse but accepting it anyway. “-but you could have told me after. You could have told me after my husband was dead. I was _living_ with you. It wasn’t like you didn’t have time or the chance.”

Ragnor knew that she was right. He didn’t regret not telling her at first. She had a soulmate and Ragnor didn’t want to ruin their friendship or make her feel bad for being happy but her soulmate had been dead for so long. That excuse wasn’t valid anymore and Ragnor knew he should have told her but he hadn’t.

“I just figured there was a reason you weren’t my soulmate in return. I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same way. I was scared you wouldn’t want to be around me, if you knew.”

Across from him, Catarina took in a deep breath. “That would have never happened,” she murmured finally. “No matter what, I’d have never said I didn’t want to be around you.”

Ragnor could practically hear the anger melting from her tone but still, he didn’t look up. He was scared he’d cry, if he was staring at her when she told him that she did in fact, not feel the same way he did.

“I’m still angry with you,” she insisted quietly.

Ragnor nodded. He knew she was.

“-but I understand why you didn’t tell me and as long as you still…” Catarina hesitated and Ragnor finally looked up, watching confused as she tried again to speak. “As long as you still feel the same way, I would like it if we could try to…” A soft blush came across Catarina’s cheeks but still, Ragnor didn’t expect what she said next. “-be… together. If you’d like to try.”

Ragnor blinked. He heard what she said but it still took a few long moments for the words to sink in. “You mean, you want to-” Ragnor couldn’t even get himself to say it but Catarina knew what he meant.

The blush on her cheeks hadn’t gone away yet. “Yes. I think that would be nice.”

 _Nice_ was an understatement. Ragnor had been in love with her for so long. He’d conditioned himself to know that she did not love him like that and she never would. It was just the reality he lived in. The idea that she might want him like that was incomprehensible, even after seeing his name on her skin.

“Are you sure?” He asked quietly.

Instantly, she nodded but even with the confirmation, Ragnor just stared.

Finally, she rolled her eyes. She moved and put her cup down before rising to come sit next to him.

Ragnor’s eyes followed her, still not believing what she was telling him. His skin tingled where she pressed against him and he felt breathless just because of how close she was to him. “I’m going to kiss you,” she informed him softly.

Ragnor’s eyes went wide. He stared for a few long moments but she was clearly waiting for some kind of confirmation that it was okay, as if she ever had to ask for permission. Ragnor nodded jerkily and something about his sudden motion must have been funny because Catarina huffed a soft laugh just before she leaned in.

Her lips were softer than Ragnor had even imagined they would be, in all the centuries that he had imagined. Her hand came gently across his own that was resting in his lap. Ragnor felt like he was choking. Of course, he knew how to breathe but with Catarina’s lips against his own, Ragnor found that even that became secondary. He couldn’t think about breathing. All he could think about was how wonderful she felt against him.

Ragnor didn’t even realize he was crying until she pulled away and raised her hand to wipe gently at his cheeks. It was a little useless because she leaned in again a moment later and Ragnor’s tears were replaced just as quickly.

It was just then that Ragnor considered for the first time that maybe Catarina might mean it. Maybe, she did feel the same way that Ragnor did. Maybe, she wanted him the same way he’d wanted her his whole life but even that was a little hard to focus on with Catarina’s lips against his own.


End file.
